Woman... God's Good Thing! Full Series

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INTRODUCTION

Ever noticed how “it’s a boy” or ‘it’s a girl” seems to have lost its distinctiveness? Not too long ago, there was a certain expectation that seem to accompany one’s sex. Do you know what I mean? There was a celebration over the specific sex of that child being born and an understanding as to what that new person would offer in their role to the family and society. A boy would be celebrated as one who would bring strength and leadership. He would carry the family name into future generations. A girl would be celebrated as one who would bring beauty and nurturing. She would be the one who would carry life in her very own body into future generations.

Oh that we could get back to the celebration of masculinity and femininity! The gifting and ability that has been given to both sexes should be looked into with much appreciation, wonderment, and respect. God has never once changed His idea of what is to be expected from His creation. A little boy will grow up to be a man and God will hold him accountable according to His design and expectation for him. A little girl will grow up and become a woman and God will hold her accountable to His design and expectation for her. He places a high value on both male and female but has a required role for both of His design.

One thing that’s quite clear these days is that there is a lot of confusion as to what the design and role of a woman is. The image of femininity has been somewhat distorted over time and our role models seem to be disappearing at an alarming rate. There’s confusion in both the home and church as to what is the God given role for a woman. Women want to know where the boundaries are and where would be crossing the line? In just the last century alone the boundary for women was moved so many times that now we’re not sure where to stand. Everything has been argued (without clarity or remedy) from women working outside the home to the length of our sleeve and the hem of our dress. Yet still, most women try to fit into a mold of something we’ve heard or seen that looks or feels like it might be accepted.

So where is our help and where is our understanding? As in everything else, it’s in the Lord who made the heavens and earth and all that is in it (yes, women too). The Bible is the complete authority and reference to what God had in mind when He made a woman. Femininity has its own personality, excellence, and skill. Before we begin the next segment, look into the mirror and see “the woman” and understand that this is your identity. Your identity is not what you do it’s what you are. I will use myself as an example: “I am a woman who happens to be a minister”, not “a minister who happens to be a woman.” My identity is that I’m a woman. My greatest fulfillment and pleasures in life will come from the things pertaining to women not ministers. Therefore, occupying the earth will be centered on the fact that I am A Woman… God’s good Thing!

Number 1: Femininity is Excellent at Securing the Masculine Heart

The detailed listing of the Proverbs 31 Woman and all of her attributes begin in verse 11: The heart of her husband safely trusts her, so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Femininity is excellent at securing the masculine heart. No other created being has the ability to get as close to the man’s heart like the woman. Therefore, no other being has the responsibility to the man like the woman. Probably the greatest issue affecting our society today is a lack of trust and our marriages are no exception. So we can be sure that trust will be at the top of the list of what men want and need in women.

Now more than ever, men are concerned about money and many will be more likely to work toward spending wisely when they feel that their wives are on board too. Men are naturally inclined to want to have something to show for all their hard work and they are more motivated by what they can provide for their family than what most women think. There will always be exceptions, but for the most part, wives have more influence than what they realize when it comes to helping husbands get or stay motivated in managing money. Something to remember is that masculinity hates to deny femininity anything (it makes him feel like a man) so women should not only set a limit on what they are spending but on what they are asking as well. Even though most households have both the husband and wife bringing income in, he still needs to know that he can trust you with what’s going out.

Another important issue of trust in marriage is sex. There are many sexual avenues that a man could travel down but only one that doesn’t lead him to a place of shame. A husband needs a wife who offers a loyal and secure bed. One of the most difficult things to get women to understand is their God-given ability to strengthen their sexual union with their husband and how important it is to do so. Most men just want a secure relationship where they can be free and enjoy their life. Husbands will entrust their heart to wives who have secured the bedroom in loyalty allowing them a place of fulfillment without any guilt.

A woman who is concerned with securing her husband’s heart is like the Proverb 31 Woman, abounding in femininity and definitely …A Good Thing!

Number 2: Femininity is Gifted on Purpose with a Purpose

God knew what He was doing when He made you. He knew the very skill that would thrive in you and at the same time bring Him great pleasure in your existence. The Proverbs 31 woman used her skill and talent to build up her family and honor God. She sought after and collected her own resources. She produced her own goods. She knew how to invest her money and started her own business. She used her God-given attributes and became a source of strength for everyone around her. She was diligent and hard working, waking up early and going to bed late. Wow! Don’t you wish you could be like her? Well, I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that you probably are.

I cannot tell you how many times that I’ve heard a woman say that she’s isn’t good at anything. I’ve heard some women say that skill and talent somehow passed them by and that they didn’t have much to offer. Not too long ago, I was talking to a very special someone who told me that she didn’t feel smart or talented. I pointed out that her house was so beautifully decorated that I was sure Martha Stewart would have given her an award had she seen it! She was comparing her life to other women and what they were doing with their life. In my opinion, she had overlooked her own talent and some major praise worthy things that she had done. Not only is her home beautifully decorated but for several years now, it has been a welcoming and hospitable place for many pastors, church events, children and relatives.

God knew the very skill to give you that would complement your family and help build His kingdom. The gifts and talent that God gives come with great purpose (God purpose). His gifting doesn’t have man’s glory in mind. Don’t think that God left you out or forgot to give you something good. Instead, seek His face and pray for what’s in you to be revealed. You are uniquely gifted to achieve the task and fulfill the plan that God had in mind when He made you. Remember, God didn’t praise the Proverbs 31 woman because she was gifted. After all, He was the one who gave her the ability. He praised her because of how she used her gifting to serve and build up everyone around her.

The feminine design has never been lacking in skill or talent. The Proverbs 31 woman used hers wisely. There are many skilled and talented women who are serving the world (singers, dancers, actresses, etc.) but it’s only the women who use their ability to build up their family and honor God that get called "A Good Thing."

Number 3: Femininity Wants to Help and is a Giver by Design

The Proverbs 31 woman extended her hands to the poor and reached out her hands to the needy. Every woman is a helper and giver by God’s design whether she knows it or not. When God created a woman it was after He had already created a man. So you can be sure that His plan for women was thoughtful and strategic in keeping with the order of things. God was sure not to give the same instincts and characteristics to both the man and the woman. Masculinity was created with the nature of "pursuer and conqueror." Femininity was created with the nature of "if you are lucky enough to catch me, I can and will help you" (and I’ve been around long enough to know that masculinity definitely needs our help!). The giver and helper in femininity coincide with the rest of her personality so that masculinity feels good about what he’s already pursued and conquered. Not only is the woman "God’s gift to man", she is the gift that keeps on giving.

Giving and helping is very rewarding and fulfilling to the female nature. Whether it’s a delicious meal that an older woman has cooked or a helping hand from a young girl, femininity wants to do something for someone else. We all probably know a few examples of women who don’t strike us as helpers or givers but take note that these women are usually not the happiest people in the world. As a matter of fact, they generally are the most miserable! Women were made to help and are deeply satisfied when they can give. Even in this modern society, there are many highly educated and successful women that still feel incomplete because they have no family or no man in their life that they can help. Our generation of women has come further than just having his baby or baking his bread, but trust me, femininity still wants to give masculinity something! lol

After the Proverbs 31 woman made sure that her family had everything that they needed, she helped and gave to others. She wanted to help and was a giver by God’s design. She was a good thing and so are you!

Number 4: Femininity is ALWAYS Beautiful

The Proverbs 31 woman made tapestry for herself. Her clothing was made with fine linen and purple (very expensive material back in her day). Some people will try and tell you that women are more vain today than they used to be. But women have always cared about their appearance and we always will. Whether it’s putting on beautiful clothing or doing something new with our hair, it’s just a way of saying, “I enjoy being a girl." There seems to be some misconception too, that God is against women that “adorn themselves” but everything that the Proverbs 31 woman did was praised by Him (primping too) and precisely placed in His word! The problem is not that God doesn’t appreciate beauty in women, it’s that the world doesn’t appreciate the divine beauty in every detail of femininity. Truthfully, a woman who takes time to care about the way she looks is celebrating her femininity. She is saying “I’m happy about being a woman."

God never intended that a woman’s body be worshiped but He did intend that man take notice. He never intended that women hate themselves because they don’t fit into the world’s image of beauty. He intended that we have an understanding of what feminine beauty is. Femininity is and will always be beautiful by what God desired to see when He looked our way. What the world tries to push on women isn’t beauty at all. It’s a false sense of identity to keep us feeling inadequate so that we remain vulnerable to all sorts of prey. The definition of beauty is not “perfect form” nor is it “perfectly youthful." The definition of beauty is “pleasing to the eye” and yes, beauty is still in the eyes of the beholder. Sometimes as women, we must ask the question, "whose eyes are beholding me and who is the beholder that I must impress?"

So what does God see when He beholds the beauty of femininity? He sees the softness and the gentleness that can bring “quiet” to even the noisiest atmosphere just by entering it. He sees the conceiver and bearer of life. Whether it’s nursing a baby or looking after an elderly parent - no one has the ability to sustain life like a woman. He sees a comforter and nurturer and everything else that goes along with being someone’s daughter, mother, aunt, sister or wife. To God, beauty is in our countenance and it’s in our response. It’s in our eyes and it’s in our smile. Don’t believe that one’s countenance and smile can make you beautiful? Then take the time to visit a nursing home soon where I’m sure you will find many ninety year old women who are absolutely beautiful.

So fix it, curl it, or straighten it... Buy it, wear it, and feel good about it! Just know that what makes you beautiful is deeper than anything that you can put on or take off. The Proverbs 31 woman made herself some beautiful clothes. She obviously knew how to look good but it was her feminine design that made her all together beautiful. Fixing up the outside is never a bad thing but understanding the beauty underneath the skin of femininity is a very good thing.

Number 5: Femininity Can Reflect Even the Smallest Ray of Light

The Proverbs 31 woman’s husband was known in the gates as he set among the elders. Funny... You may wonder what does that have to do with her? Well, you would probably be surprised at how much a wife is looked at when a husband is being considered for a position in a high place. Sitting with the elders in the gates was high positioning back in those days. It’s where business was handled and many political affairs were decided. Though most of us will not have to deal with the public eye when we consider accepting a marriage proposal, we should still understand that we are a reflection of our husband even in the smallest arena. Even family members will take notice to how a woman responds concerning her husband in his presence and when he’s not around. A man’s character, devotion and behavior can easily be seen through his wife. Therefore, everything in her demeanor will be a reflection of him.

One might ask, “Doesn’t then the responsibility rely on the husband’s behavior." Yes, somewhat, but please consider this: Choosing to reflect the positive about one’s relationship will always be a celebration of light and godly character. A wife can choose to dwell in the rays of good things that the husband reflects to her (no matter how small or few they are) or she can choose to dwell in the darkness of everything that he does wrong. She could ridicule and remind everyone of his human failures or she could focus her attention to what he’s doing right. So then as wives, we have a choice to either magnify his strength or expose his weakness. I’m sure that you have lived long enough to know that men and women surely have both!

Trust me... Choosing to constantly complain about your husband’s infirmity, especially in front of others, will never get you out of those dark places. Not only will he eventually despise you, others will too. Other people certainly take notice of women who seem to magnify their husband’s weaknesses everywhere they go. They understand that these women are looking for some kind of approval or affirmation that they are the "good one." Instead of sympathy, she will get disdain. No man or woman would want to be slandered by their own spouse so most of us have a low tolerance for others that do so. Our spouse should be the very person in our life that decides purposely to reveal our good nature to others while giving us the safety and room to grow and come up higher (Special note: taking his weakness to God in prayer is a much better option).

The Proverbs 31 woman understood her obligation to her husband’s reputation. She chose to reflect his goodness and light so that both of them were accepted by all. Femininity can reflect even the smallest light in masculinity. A woman doesn’t have to (it’s a choice), but doing so would be a very wise and good thing.

Number 6: Femininity Has an Instinct for Balance and Order

The Proverbs 31 woman watched over the ways of her household and did not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arose and called her blessed; her husband also, and he praised her.

Women were designed to produce and are miserable when they are not. It doesn't have to be a "baby", we just want and need to be a part of something that we can feel good about. Production has a lot to do with career choices and can be a part of the reason why married women sometimes go in search of a job. Now I know that you might say, "Maybe it's because she needs the money." In some cases, that's definitely true. Most households could benefit from more income, but never underestimate the power of personal satisfaction that is gained by the production that her job offers. For the woman with the family though, she could very well end up in a major struggle for time, balance and order. God understands all of this and gave femininity a nature that draws her toward balance and order and His Word can be completely trusted as her guide.

Purposely prioritizing your day (or your life for that matter) in agreement with God’s word, will be one of the wisest decisions you will ever make. Choosing to ignore the order given in God’s word will always be a set up for failure. It may not look like failure to the world but women who ignore their responsibility to their children and husband will certainly not like the ending result. Note the women who strive to keep intimacy with God, their husband and children. They are the women who have less chaos, confusion, and yes, infidelity in their life. Today, women are much busier than they’ve ever been but I’m not sure that their production is at its best. Sometimes where we choose to produce can end up being a time thief more than a place where we are actually producing.

I can tell you that I have many women friends who are stay-at-home moms who have a full day of production. I also have many women friends who have a family and a job who seem to stay in a healthy balance. Of course, I do know some on both sides who have neither. Balance and order in our life has nothing to do with a career choice but a lot to do with devotion and even more to do with peace of mind. Femininity is instinctive at keeping things in order. We have a natural and spiritual ability given to us by God that causes us to think about Him, our family, and how to prioritize it all. Women that have learned how to produce (whatever or wherever) with their family getting their fair share of time have achieved the real success. Wives who have prioritized their daily routine, with their husband not feeling left out at the end of the day, are women who understand more than just a few things about life. If the Proverbs 31 woman could accomplish all that she did and still remained watchful over her household, she not only understood balance and order... She mastered it.

The Proverbs 31 woman was very busy, but not too busy, to look after her own household. The instinct for order and balance is in every woman. Never override that voice inside your heart that is helping you make decisions based on what will give you peace of mind. Production is a good thing! Production with balance and order is an even better thing.

Number 7: Femininity’s Creator and Helper is God

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

Most women catch on early in life that there is definitely a sensual part of us that will (usually) “move” even the wisest man. The world tends to think that Christian women aren’t in touch with things like sensuality. It’s not that we are not in touch, it’s just that most of us understand the concept: use it, don’t abuse it! We can do sexy, but we choose to keep it between us and our husbands and don’t feel the need to exploit it or wear it on our sleeves. As for performing for the men, it’s not that we don’t know how… it’s just that we know better! We also know the answer to the question, to what avail and to what profit is any favor that is relinquished to you based on your sensuality? If you act to gain their favor then you must keep on acting to keep it and you will miss out on every part of you that is authentic and real. Also worth considering, the performance can get old quickly to most men and trying to keep up with it all will eventually become exhausting to you. Performing for the world while you ignore His commandments is an unspoken message to God that your fear and reverence is more toward man than Him.

It’s not that women don’t need the favor of man, we most certainly do (not everyone just the right one). Every successful woman that is mentioned in the Bible had the help and favor of some man. Those listed as having found favor with man also were noted for their fear of God. There are others that were noted for making their own way but their ending was not anything that would entice you to imitate them. There were women who performed to gain favor and there were women who prayed and trusted God to give them favor. You might ask, "What’s the difference?" Well, one of the differences is this; if you follow God and wait on Him to give you favor then you will also have His help with timing. God not only knows where you need to be but He also knows when you need to be there. Because this is the beginning of a New Year, you will probably hear a lot of messages about vision and while vision is important, please be mindful of timing. Performance driven lives are almost never in sequence with what God is doing. But women who fear God are led by His Spirit and always seem to be in the right place at the right time.

As women, we will probably always care about man’s opinion to some degree and will sometimes be tempted to perform for their help or approval. After all, we are the glory of man and it’s hard not to desire their acceptance. As Christian women though, we must understand who it is that is the greatest and who it is that offers us the greatest reward. God will give honor to the women who fear Him and He will give favor to all of those who hold His word in high regard. The blessing of the Lord is not one that man can assign nor can he withhold. Our God is a great God and is in charge of favor, woman and man. He will help us because we are the creation of His hands. Give us of the fruit of our hands and let our own works praise us in the gates. We are women…God’s good thing!

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

Teachings provided by Regina Davis, Journey Out of Egypt Ministries