Then I Became in His Eyes as One Who Found Peace

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Then I Became in His Eyes as One Who Found Peace

A Study of the Shulamite Woman from the book of Song of Solomon

Introduction

The Bible has a lot to say about romance, sexual desire, personal responsibility, and loyal love! Don’t think these subjects are interesting? I assure you some day, if not now, your daughter will! She will want to be loved and desired (hopefully in that order). She will want to be “happy” and have a wonderful, fulfilling relationship with a man but it’s hard for our daughters to inherit what we don’t have. We will all leave some kind of inheritance to our children. Why not invest now into understanding and be able to pass it along with the rest of your "valuables." Not only is she worth the investment but you might be surprised at how much help this teaching can really be to you! I always say, "God can fix a small dent but He also works well with broken pieces!" I am living proof. For I truly have "become in his eyes as one who found peace." From the book: Song of Solomon, There are seven principles or insights that God revealed to me personally, and in this study, I share them with you. There are many situations in life that can bring moments of happiness but it’s only through God’s word that women find lasting peace. Get started today working on your greater relationship by applying these principles found in the study of the Shulamite woman.

Seven Areas of Insight from the Study of the Shulamite Woman

#1 Her Maturity

This might not seem like any information that is life-changing, but you’d be surprised how many little girls are walking around in women’s bodies. I always say, “Little girls are cute and fun to be around but they make horrible wives!” Don’t believe me? Just spend some time talking to a man who’s in a relationship with a grown woman who acts more like a child. Your husband is in need of a mature woman who can handle the pressures of life in the same way that the Shulamite woman was expected to handle the pressure of being married to the King. Men need a responsible partner and want someone capable of helping them "build." I’ve talked with many single women in the church who are hoping for a husband. They say to me, “I’m waiting for the King! “, I reply, “That’s great as long as you let God make you into queen material!” Never underestimate the ability of the King to discern the difference between a little princess and a real queen! Little princesses want to BE SERVED, but real queens SERVE.

Women who desire to be in a close relationship with a man need to be aware of every area of defeat in their life, especially areas of immaturity. Most men have a very low tolerance for “child like behavior” in women. Maturity will help bring peace. If you are single and you want to attract the right one, you must become the right one. The peace is in knowing that you’ve done your part so that God can do His. If you are a married woman, the peace is in knowing that you can change your attitude and you will be surprised at what will change after that!

#2 The Importance of Her Self Esteem

It’s easy to feel insecure in a world that constantly tells you that you’re not enough. Most women have to battle negative thoughts and feelings about themselves. It’s funny though - most of us never even question where those negative thoughts are coming from. We need to stop and consider where it is that we are getting our information. As Christian women, we have God’s Spirit of truth and acceptance that lives on the inside of us. We can train our ear to listen to what His voice says about us instead of what the world is telling us.

The Shulamite woman seems to have battled thoughts that caused her to doubt and question her value as she compared herself to other women. How many times have we been there? In the first chapter of Song of Solomon, she is apologizing for the color of her skin as if she’s not enough or not as beautiful as all of the other fair skinned women (how funny is that to our generation of tanners?!). It’s interesting though, at the beginning of the very next chapter she is referring to herself as the rose of Sharon and the Lily of the Valleys. It seems that a deeper voice of esteem and assurance took dominion over those insecure thoughts. According to the scholars, she was a poor country girl who worked with her family tending grapes. She would have had every imaginable reason to feel less or lower than the others but her words reveal that she was able to identify herself as something beautiful that she was offering the King.

The Shulamite woman was able to exemplify that being different from everyone else doesn’t make you less it makes you unique. She found favor and acceptance through looking into the eyes of the King instead of comparing herself with everyone else around her. I believe that she decided not to compete for a position that was already hers. You would be surprised at how many women end up there! She was able to withstand the challenge to a power struggle and never gave into the pressure to perform. Again, you’d be surprised at how many women end up there! Her response to the King was with words of the utmost sincerity, honesty and vulnerability. Now, as women, we all need to end up there!

Near the end of the last chapter in Song of Solomon, the Shulamite declares that she had found peace. Her self esteem was the second element that was a part of her finding it. Knowing that we are enough will not only help us win a serious war, it will also keep us from silly little battles that rob us of our time and energy.

#3 Her Attraction to Him

You have probably heard the statement, "want what you have." The enemy is always ready to deceive and devour those who dwell in the land of discontentment. A wife who is able to keep an attitude of “I’m here because I want to be” has not only become a defense against many enemy forces in her own marriage but she has also created an area of great expectation for her daughter and her future marriage. In other words, why would a daughter want to save herself for something that looks miserable? It’s a proven fact that children learn what they live and a woman who lives scornfully inside her marriage need not expect her daughters to have a high regard for it. On the other hand, a woman who knows how to celebrate her husband within her home will not only help cultivate a healthy desire but also a hope of something worth waiting for in all her children.

The Shulamite woman was able to express clearly how she felt about her marriage. She certainly displayed an attitude of “I’m glad to be here." She was able to model a woman who was content and at peace with how things had turned out. Her celebration of her husband was enticing and admonishing to us all! She definitely knew how to talk to the King. She understood how to affirm his masculinity, praise his strength and appreciate his power. What man could resist such a woman? I mean, if you were a man, wouldn’t you want to be with someone who takes pleasure in your company rather than be with someone who makes you feel like a chore? As Christian women, we should always remember that under our husband’s Christian tag is a human tag and God made us human first. The sin nature has an unhealthy appetite but there is such a thing as human hunger (more on that some other time).

Having trouble celebrating your husband today? Maybe desire isn’t what it used to be? Then be encouraged by the study of the Shulamite woman and her ability to find peace. She was able to sustain her desire for the King by keeping her focus on his strength. She describes his body as carved ivory, his hands as rods of gold, and his legs as pillars of marble (all of these symbolize great value and strength). Every man has his own value and strength whether his title is "King" or not. If you ask God to anoint your eyes, you will see your husband’s masculinity as never before and your praise of him will unlock many doors of new desire between you both. I tell women, “Never underestimate the power of attraction” and most people will get up early for something they desire (even stay up late). There are perversions and counterfeits to both sides, but it’s only through the connection between masculinity and femininity that people find true fulfillment and peace.

#4 The Fight for Her Sexual Identity

The correlation between past experiences and now behavior is evident and can be used as a study to help people understand how they ended up where they are. This is extremely good news to the people who struggle with their sexual identity. A lot of times we tend to think only of homosexuality but there are many areas of sexual confusion that are developed or programmed into women because of situations from their past.

For many years I have prayed with women who have had struggles ranging from sexual deviance all the way to being indifferent or cold toward their husbands. These are very intimate issues so most of the time they suffer silently in their anger or shame. The good news though is that none of these issues are too difficult for God. Through the power of His anointing, yokes are destroyed and identity can be built back by His word. We really can be reprogrammed back into the person that God intended us to be before we were wounded.

In Song of Solomon, there is a passage about a dream that the Shulamite woman had one night. She was awakened by an inner struggle of passion, timing, and confusion over what was appropriate. In her struggle, she left the safety of her room and went out into the night. The watchmen found her and they struck her. They wounded her and took her veil away. The veil can represent anything from virginity to specifically belonging to a certain person or group. So in other words, taking away the veil was damaging to her identity and damaging to her future.

For the Shulamite woman, this was just a very bad dream, but for millions of women around the world this is a reality. The number of women that have suffered some type of abuse keeps growing... Therefore, the number of hurting women coming through the church doors is growing and growing… Only God can change back what would have been and should have been before one was struck down and wounded. The Shulamite woman found peace when she woke up from her bad dream. For the rest of us, peace will be found in a relationship with a loving and healing God.

#5 Her Respect for Jealousy

Her words, “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave; its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame”…… The Shulamite woman understood the anguish and passion of jealousy. She understood that there would be enticements that would pull for the king’s affection. She also understood that there would be distractions that would pull for his time. It’s interesting though, she never gave up her right to feel protective over their relationship. Her request for the king’s devotion and commitment to her wasn’t childish or brazen. Her desire seems to be more in line with what God requires in His relationships from all of us.

In the Bible, we learn of God’s character, standard, and will. He proclaims that He is a jealous God. He is mindful of worldly competition and expects our complete attachment and devotion to Him. God is Holy and has neither thought nor action that is in any way evil or carnal. Yet, He is jealous over our relationship with Him. So as a wife, we too can have a proper respect for jealousy that is not based on anything hateful or insecure but on protectiveness and wisdom.

The Shulamite woman had a respect for jealousy that she used to her advantage. She understood that the closer she got to the king, the better the relationship would be. Intimacy in marriage is a major defense against many enemies. Because of jealousy, she was vigilant and fervent to do everything in her power to stay on his mind and in his heart (I could give you a lot of good suggestions here, but I'll let you use your own imagination!). Back in her time, the seal was a symbol of her being his possession. She loved the idea of completely belonging to him! We have come a long way, haven’t we? Have we? lol!

So, these days, wives contend with husbands who have business opportunities, ministry opportunities, recreational opportunities, and many, many other opportunities! Some of these opportunities have the potential to defraud the wife (and the entire family, for that matter) in one way or another (I'm only speaking balance, not restriction). What’s a girl to do? Harden your heart and say, "why bother." Silence will probably cost you more in the long run. Many women in their later days spew out poison from what was held back in their former days. Just being quiet about something and being at peace with something is not the same thing. Pretending not to be bothered will show up again in the form of bitterness and hate when you least expect it.

The Shulamite woman found peace through speaking her heart to her husband and voicing her jealousy. She not only voiced her concern with jealousy but she respected it enough to let it motivate her toward working on a closer relationship with him. Maybe you too could benefit from identifying how you feel about jealousy. You don’t have to drown in it to respect it. It could be a great tool to help you become an even greater wife. Believe it or not, it could be one of the key factors hidden in your marriage that helps bring peace.

#6 Her Understanding of True Love

I am convinced that at least half, if not more than half, of the world is clueless to the meaning of true love. We have piles of love songs, poems, books and movies that portray the romantic notions of love, but very few icons where its depth and true meaning are clearly seen or defined. This is a sad truth because if we live in a society that only understands love in the concept of romantic feelings then we are all in trouble. Young men and women who don’t understand the difference between emotion and devotion will never have any quality relationships. These young men and women I am referring to could easily end up being our children and grandchildren.

One of the most admonishing passages to young women from Song of Solomon is the words of the Shulamite woman: “His banner over me was love." She was fully convinced of the king’s love for her. Not only could she identify it, but she obviously knew the importance of pointing it out to the younger women who were following her example. She understood the value that the king had placed on her by making her his bride. His banner over her was obvious and identifiable by the engagement and ceremony as well as the wedding night. His banner over her was love, not lust. The Shulamite was able to return and validate the King’s desire for her because of her knowledge and proof of his banner. No woman should ever accept a man’s desire for her without it being inside the boundary of true love.

A man’s desire for a woman without the shelter of love can easily end up in disaster. Desire alone has the potential to rob, devour and devastate a woman. God gave men a STRONG desire for women but He only gave it legal access under the banner of love. Why? Because God knew that a man acting within his desire wouldn’t be much more than a taker but, in love, he would want to protect and give to her as well. What a brilliant God! Pretty good set up if you ask me.

God never intended on women being used or abused and there are certainly women who have ended up in both situations unaware and unintentionally. Truthfully though, we all know of someone (maybe even us) who decided to go into a relationship without checking or even acknowledging what his banner over them (or us) really was. It is not as difficult as we sometimes make it out to be. Identifying the banner can be as simple as asking a few good questions. Is there a ring or a wedding date? What is his banner over you, love or something else? I have learned that women who understand true love will not settle for anything less, but women who lack understanding will settle for just being desired time and time again. Be smart and remain in peace like the Shulamite woman... His banner over her was love. She understood and so should you.

#7 Her Responsibility to the Next Generation

In our nation, we see many examples of people being blessed to be a blessing. Celebrities give out of their wealth. Social clubs and colleges are routinely involved with humanitarian work. I’ve even seen people living here from other countries send back aide to help family and friends reach selective goals in business or education. Many of us have caught on to the idea that when we find ourselves in a better place, we should help someone else. For the church though, our outreach should exceed the work of the average helping hand. Christians have a responsibility not only to reach out, but also to help carry the Gospel to every nation while living a life of enticement that will inspire future generations.

In Song of Solomon, It seemed that the Shulamite woman understood her responsibility to the next generation. Her role as Queen was an opportunity for influence and favor given to her by God. It’s interesting and inspiring how she used her position to instruct the young women who ran after her. She was careful to help them understand her success. The Shulamite woman not only made it to a better place but she wanted to teach other women how to make it as well. You would be surprised at how many successful businesses and ministries have been built on these same desires.

Today, there are many offers on the table for women. The world is offering promises and rewards from many different products in many different ways. As women, we are more likely to be targeted by manufacturers than men. They understand that a lot of women are not only desperate for change but they are more than willing to pay for it. Unfortunately though, most of what the world is selling women is a farce and the end result will probably be pain. God’s offer is and shall remain the best on the table. He offers truth with an end result of peace. The Shulamite woman found peace. She put all of the elements of virtue and godliness together and found lasting peace.

If you are searching for a better result than what you keep getting then it’s time to make a change. If what you are applying is not bringing a return of peace then it’s time to apply a new principle. Sometimes we blame a bad harvest on the ground and never check into the kind of seed that we are sowing. It is only the word of God that has power in every principle, that when applied, can and will bring a positive change. God’s word works! For the women who said amen to that last sentence, what are you doing right now to help the younger generation? Let me challenge you to make it a priority today to tell a young woman about the love of Jesus Christ and the peace that is genuinely found in GOD.

Loving U Like a Sister,

Regina

Teachings provided by Regina Davis, Journey Out of Egypt Ministries